just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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