My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
