A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
