Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
