I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
