just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
