Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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