just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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