the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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