You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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