member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Enjoy the penises
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
