about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
