I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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