a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
