i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There are leaves in my underwear?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
