It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
