so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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