I'm jealous of your bromance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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