Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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