Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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