Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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