is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
