Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Boobs are out for the taking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
