you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
