yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
