he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
