That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
