Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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