At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
