Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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