Do you still have your period?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
