I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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