I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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