She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
