he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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