i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
