If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
