well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
