you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
