dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
