I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
whose parrot is this?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
