I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
