she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
