Where did you get a picture of my penis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
