Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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