my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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