It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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