You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
