Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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