so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
