The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
