Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
