Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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