By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
