Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
