if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
