happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
