She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
