Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize