I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
