He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
