i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
