i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
