i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
