So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
