need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
