My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
