So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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