everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
