How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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