I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
