Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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