I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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