The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
