We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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