wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
