My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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