i permit you to call me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
