my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
